Diet Journey – Day 3

July 9, 2008 at 11:10 am (Diet Journey, Uncategorized)

It is now Day 3 of my diet journey and I am honestly not sure that I can make it. On the way to pouring my third cup of coffee (no sugar) a magnet on my refrigerator catches my eye. The words furnish a necessary reminder of just how hard it is to go it alone. The message reads like this (I didn’t write it but it is so right):

Dear Lord,

So far today, God, I’ve done all right. I haven’t gossiped, haven’t lost my temper, haven’t been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or over-indulgent. I’m really glad about that. But in a few minutes, God, I’m going to get out of bed and from then on I’m probably going to need a lot more help! Thank you. Amen.

Yeah. That’s my daily prayer – more help! I am not particularly hungry in the morning and for a few brief hours I am imbued with a false sense of confidence, believing that I will be able to weather my coming deprivation with cheerfulness and strength. I may as well move to Egypt where I can actually live in the land of de Nile. Wrestling alligators could provide an awesome work-out too…

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Trading Fat For PHAT

July 8, 2008 at 12:42 am (Diet Journey)

I have a HUMONGOUS problem. Apparently I was not wired with a dimmer switch. I don’t naturally reflect lovely shades of amber light. I seem to be restricted to a mere two options: pitch-black-off, OR, cover-your-eyes-on. Oh, the limitations! I lament the limitations! 

I can be a very self-disciplined sort. I am fairly punctual. I work really, really hard at my job (inherited workaholic tendencies). I keep necessary schedules and maintain astounding order in my immediate surroundings (except for my trash-mobile-Neon and, truly, I can’t begin to explain that disgusting mess!).  I don’t drink (check out earlier blog). I don’t smoke cigarettes, a pipe, cigars or pot. I don’t snort crack, although sometimes I do snort when I laugh too hard (and body fluids can be involved). I’m not a shopaholic (I am actually allergic to malls) and I don’t take secret bus trips to Atlantic City to play the slots. I am madly monogamous and I don’t check out porn on the internet. I don’t get facials or pedicures, and I don’t wear makeup or dye my hair or buy perfume.  So what drug of choice is left to me? Food, of course!

When Lyryn and Jesse got married in December 2003 I weighed in at an all-time high of 240. By October 2006 I had managed to reduce that (albeit slowly) to 220. Then I was struck with a staph infection in my spinal column. The “exercise” of clinging to life was extremely beneficial in my weight loss effort. I dropped 30 pounds in three weeks. But now? I have allowed myself to creep (more like cram, stuff, inhale, swallow and bite) my way back to 219. I refuse to hit 220 again (did I hear an “Amen sister!”?).

So I am inviting you, dear readers, to help me. I need an intervention and I think public humiliation can accomplish that quite nicely. Although my wonderful friend Carol agreed to be my accountability partner for health and fitness, she is way too nice and cannot offer me the massive quantity of public mortification that this blog can (thanks anyway Carol – I love you!).

Remember the switches? I only have two – off and on. I am either ON a diet or I am way, way OFF one. It is clear that punitive measures have become absolutely necessary. In desperation I am praying that widespread disgrace will offer the perfect antidote and force me to stick with a healthy regime. I will hold myself accountable to YOU, my loyal readers.

I plan to buy a dress for Brent and Tara’s wedding (December 27th) which will make me look totally PHAT! But even more important than that, I plan to avoid falling prey to the family curses of diabetes and heart disease. Wish me strength and fortitude!

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Not Your Normal Holiday

July 6, 2008 at 11:37 pm (Updates)

We did not have a red, white and blue 4th of July. We had an orange, white and pink one. Leigha arrived Thursday night (via Attilamobile). She wanted to start painting her new room immediately, but we thought it could wait just one more day. Lyryn, Jesse and Jayden took her to the Parkesburg Fair at the end of our street. Leigha came home with a wide smile and leftover fries.

Friday morning found Leigha carefully applying blue tape to her bedroom ceiling. Attila’s former “man-room” began its transformation to girlie-girl with a coat of tangy orange paint. Attila helped for awhile, but he kept getting waylaid by other only-Daddy-can-do-it tasks, so Leigha did a great deal of the painting on her own. I was doing laundry and paying bills and am too allergic to chemicals to spend time in a room full of fresh paint. 

I was perusing Craig’s List online and had the unmitigated gal to find a brand-new white dishwasher for only $115. Eureka! Unfortunately, it was located in Hatboro. But for $115 (never used! warranty included! matches our appliances!) we couldn’t let the opportunity pass. Attila called the guy and he said “come on down!” so Attila did. Fortunately Brent and Tara went to Allentown for the weekend to visit her family, leaving the truck with us. Perfect timing.

Attila arrived home with the new dishwasher just in time to join Ashley, Leigha, Jeremiah, Declan, Katie and me for the barbecue in progress at Lyryn and Jesse’s house. You definitely have to feed a man who is willing (on a national holiday) to pick up appliances located in Outer Jabip. 

After dinner Leigha coerced Katie into helping her continue the bedroom painting project. Declan joined in as well. That is where the pink comes in. Two walls are now orange and two are passionate pink. Leigha craves brightness and cheerfulness and I say go for it. Ashley’s room is also pink but is a darker hue and overlaid with bold black geometric patterns. I guess we just aren’t beige people! Anyway, thanks to Katie and Declan the painting got completely finished that night.

Mom called earlier in the day to tell me that my brother Rhys was having dinner with Mary Poppins. Really. He happens to be in California working on a show he is producing with Julie Andrews. She and her daughter will be reading aloud from the children’s books they have authored together, with a full orchestra and I am not sure what else. Julie felt badly for the “lost souls” who were without their families on the holiday, and invited them to her house for dinner.

When I spoke with Rhys today he said that Julie Andrews IS the woman you see in “The Sound of Music.” He said that she is the nicest person he has ever met. I asked who else attended the gathering. He told me that it was mostly family (including Julie’s husband Blake Edwards of course). And Robert Loggia and his wife were there too. Rhys had a wonderful time. Today they are back to the nine-hour daily rehearsal schedule. Rhys said that when Julie sings “Edelweiss” at the end of the show there isn’t a dry eye in the rehearsal hall. I would be one of the soggy ones too.

Saturday Leigha continued work on her room, hand-painting hot pink into the inserts of her door, and washing the windows. Ashley did some rearranging in her own room since I had a storage bench and shelf unit I needed to store and she decided to use them herself. I really didn’t want to store them in the basement anyway. 

Mom and Dad arrived late Saturday afternoon from Homer City. They came because this morning was Dad’s first day preaching at his new church (Cedar Grove Presbyterian). Ashley, Leigha and I went over to help them unload their car and then we all decided to go get Chinese food for dinner. We picked up Attila on the way (he had been napping). Ashley read my fortune cookie to me and it said something about coming into some unexpected good fortune. It turned out to be freakishly accurate.

The phone rang at 10:35pm last night. To me, late phone calls mean trouble or new kidneys. This time it was neither. I won the iPod Touch from the Parkesburg Fair raffle! I recently decided that I wanted an iPod, so I feel pretty blessed. Ashley reminded me about my fortune cookie from dinner -freakishly accurate! 

So… we got a white dishwasher and painted Leigha’s room in bold pink and bright orange. White, pink and orange. In our house, I suppose these are the newest colors of freedom.

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